Two of us that got together. We were but only friends that day 16th August it was. It was a trip to get Leo’s birthday present. After we finally bought the present, we were at Mac’s for lunch and you started with the intention of clearing the misunderstanding that was created in the team. The supposed fact that you liked me. It was all but a small coincidence that you told others u had feelings for me and it started to spread around. In truth it was a girl in your school that you carried a torch for. Then I spoke my part too. I tear when I spoke and you just hugged me and said u realized the one you cared for was me. So that’s how we got together.

Well till now I still think it’s kind of ironic how things turned out that way on that day… we were so different and we merely spoke our parts you to clear doubts and me simply to tell you how I felt. The both of us are just different yet similar but with one thing in the way no common interest. You started of with no feelings for me and the liking increased as the times we spent together. For me, I started of with a small crush on you to realizing that you are someone very unique and special to me but not in the relationship passing the ‘friend’ line. Different in character and interests but the one thing we have in common… not speaking enough to each other. I don’t open up to you that much about how/what I felt reason being I don’t want it to add on to your burden that was already sufficient to weigh you down greatly. Making you worried for such issues is really minute compared to what you face in school club and studies. As for you, I feel that you knew too much about taking the right moves and saying the right things at any situation.

Times we were together was enjoyable and also special to me. You triggered thoughts that was in me but never surfaced in my mind before. You made me confused of who I was and tried to search again. You said before that I’m like a sponge absorbing all the information and not giving enough. I don’t disagree totally with that. I don’t open up as much and it was a period for me to adjust the thought that I have someone next to me and I can confine in you for anything was difficult.

It was after awhile and some incidences that made me really clear that liking you were just a small crush and we got together by a sudden impulse. Don’t you agree? I knew from the start that we won’t exactly last long. It was wrong on my side for not telling you this from the start and made you fall deeper into this relationship we had. Adding on to this was my parents’ pressure. They really made a whole lot of noise over this.
I want to openly apologize to you now that it was my fault for hurting you the way I did. Not intentional or to get any attention from anyone at all.

The day was Wednesday, we separated I was really upset. What made it worst was that day I’ve had 2 continuous trainings and was really tired after. I didn’t recall what exactly I said. That night I was talking to Alvin over msn and I told him what happen between the both of us. He tried to see where our problems lied and wanted much to help us patch back or something but nothing really went into my head I was exhausted. I cried n didn’t sleep till very late and he was there to help.

The next day after I was in the mood for nothing and that evening I went to Pasir Ris park to think things thru’ and also thought of what I can/should be doing after I get myself together. If you can’t recall, it was the same night u called to ask if I was ok and my parents were worried sick. You asked if I was alone and I said yes. I was lying. I didn’t want you to know that Alvin accompanied me there and giving your mind the chance to run wild on that thought. I know you dreaded n dislike the mention of his name. The reason for me n him to be at the beach was that I needed to find someone to talk to and seek opinion and suggestions from and I just needed the wind to keep my mind clear. During the talk there it really untwined my clouded mind and I knew finally what I can do to end this episode.

At that point in time, I really truly only treated him as a good friend that was there for me when I needed someone. I didn’t approach Janice or anyone else in kuroichou to help not because I didn’t trust them but I thought the situation would have been made worse if I did because at that point the flaming was still going on and everyone was hot headed. Thinking back about it I just feel so silly. I shouldn’t have cared about that.

That weekend was my class chalet combined with Alvin’s class so basically we meet with each other almost everyday. What I’m going to say might sound fake or even make myself look ultra dense but it’s the true. I don’t know Alvin liked me until the day he told me. We only got together after we broke. Janice had dropped hints to enlighten me about things but at that time I was really blinded and didn’t see what was ahead.

It’s entirely my fault also for not telling you I was with him. Once again the silly thought I have made things worst. I didn’t want you to feel as if u lost to him as you mentioned before. Though you are not the one I’m with I really dreaded to see you hurt again because of me.

This incident has made an impact on more then just me. I’m writing his to say I am sorry how I mishandled things and made things turned out like that you might probably dislike me lots not for all these things but I don’t blame you for it I deserved what I messed up and the outcome. I’ve got no one to blame.
Blogged @ 2:50 PM
Don't let me go -